Comments on: Per ardua not quite ad astra – the final part

By: Old Midhurstian

Old Midhurstian — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 10:54:05 +0000

Not silly at all Scottie, one of things most likely to bring tears for me is the things that could have, should have been. WHile my life is in a mostly wonderful place now there’s a lot that I still deeply regret. Perhaps the worst thing was the seperation from my family and missing my 2 nieces and 2 nephews growing up. Being back in contact with my younger sister and being on the point of meeting one of my now grown up nephews is fantastic but the gulf between my older sister and my self is as wide as ever and I fear that it won’t heal, that’s the sort of thing that brings tears and regrets.

Then there’s the music career that my dad absolutely refused to allow, “not a proper career for a boy”, that brings tears of anger because I was good, I mean really good, and has someithing wonderful taken from me. It’s very hard to forgive or forget something like that even when I look back on the excitement that eventually became my life.

Love
Mac

By: Scottie

Scottie — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 10:20:22 +0000

Good Morning Mac. I think you should be please. You put a lot of effort out to accomplish the task, and came very close to making it all the way. Yes there are lots of male nurses, but this was 1981 and my Grandfather was already into his 70′s. Very old fashion, males were doctors and girls were nurses in his world.
You are right, I am over joyed to be doing this, I was just thinking of the time that had past and forgot all the other wonderful things I have done in between then and now. Silly but I got too focused on the new and forgot the joy of my journey.
Have a great day, and warm thoughts,
Scottie

By: Old Midhurstian

Old Midhurstian — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:02:36 +0000

I hope they’re at least partly happy tears for the fact that you’ve achieved the very thing you wanted. What is this crap about No boy in my family is going to be… One of the best nurses I ever knew was a male nurse, my former flat mate in London and totally straight I mean totally, but without an ounce of prejudice in him. Last I knew he was a chief nursing officer – Matron in other words, so frankly up theirs!

I was actually pretty pleased with my efforts, and to be honest I do think the overdose nonsense was mostly a bad attack of delayed adolescence, on top of all the other crap in my life I didn’t hit pubery until well after my 15thbirthday

Love
Mac

By: Scottie

Scottie — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 23:49:01 +0000

I think the sad thing is now it would not have mattered about your sexuality. You would have been an officer. That gets me bent up sometimes. See when I got out of high school, my paternal grandfather ( who never knew but suspected and he tried his best to shelter me, had wealth) called a family meeting. Dysfunctional as we were no one would have refused him. They talked about what was to become of me. Finally I was brought in, and asked. There was a good nursing program in the next town, and while I couldn’t stay home I said I wanted to be a nurse. My face fell as the one who had always stood for me got angry, looked right at me and asked “What is wrong with you boy, no grandson of mine will be a nurse.” ” You want to be a doctor I will support you all the way, but no boy in my family will be a nurse”. I ran from the room crying. Needless to say a few days later I was enlisted in the Navy. Grandfather couldn’t over come the idea that only girls were nurses. I was left with a huge emotional hole as I realized he couldn’t accept the real me if he had known. My protector, would he have protected me if he knew I was gay. Before she died my gram knew and she thought being a male nurse was great. 29 years later I am finally going for the thing I wanted then. Crying as I write this.
I am glad your step dad did stay some proud of you. That you made it all that far was a great achievement, and one even you did not think you would make. A belated congratulations to you for getting as far as you did and keeping your wits about you during the testing.
Warmest thoughts,
Scottie

By: Old Midhurstian

Old Midhurstian — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 20:59:02 +0000

Do you know I wondered about that myself “takes one to know one” sort of thing. Yes one of the good stories and quite a bit of pride for me

By: Biki

Biki — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 20:54:31 +0000

Do you think that the fellow who watched and labeled you as queer, was one himself? But, at least you came out of this with some pride for having done a good job, and making it almost all the way thru to the end. And you have a great story to tell, and can there ever be enough of those?