This isn’t a newly remembered incident, it’s been gnawing away inside me for a long time and convinced me that being myself wasn’t going to get me very far.
From the very first day at Grammar school I was teased about three things in particular. My red hair was the easiest target. Discounting my older sisters, on whom apparently red hair was pretty, I only saw one other red head in the whole school and he was a fifth former so no chance of even talking to him, anyway his colour was a lot more muted than mine. My Scottish surname in rural West Sussex provoked great hilarity and deliberate mispronunciation. The third item was my accent, not Scottish as you might think but “posh” English. That wasn’t a pretension of mine it was the way my Mother insisted I speak and a casual dropped’ H’ at home would bring an instant scolding, this meant that I never used slang or current idiom and was seen as stand-offish and snotty.
What sealed my isolation from the majority was my natural musicianship. I’ve been able to sight read music since the age of 8 and was, to hell with modesty, an exceptional boy soprano, I’d hoped that music would bring admiration but no chance.
In our second music lesson the Master decided that we’d all have a go on the recorder, an instrument I’d never even picked up before and I said so, after looking at the thing and thinking “fairly straight forward, you put your fingers like so…” I quickly read over the score in front of me and at the signal started playing, almost flawlessly. After a few minutes I realised that I was playing solo and that the master was tapping loudly on his music stand with his baton so I stopped and found him glaring angrily at me. He demanded to know why I’d told him that I’d never played a recorder before, I could feel my face and neck burning with embarrassment and my bottom lip was trembling in a sure sign of tears while I assured him that honestly I’d never even held a recorder before.
The Master was delighted and from that moment on I was his favourite pupil, he was one of only three Masters who actually tried to reach out to me during the very bad times. If I’d hoped for any admiration or respect from the rest of the form though I was, frankly, pissing into the wind all I saw on their faces was utter hatred and from there to outright bullying proved to be a very small step.
I didn’t even mention the incident at home knowing that I’d just be told that I shouldn’t worry what the other boys thought, I always had to do my best at everything.
Love
i felt this post school was hard on me and i think most can tell by my posts not the best writer in the world.
thanks so much for your comments!
Ryan
Thanks for your comment, I’m sorry to learn that you suffered as well, it’s not something I’d wish on anyone
Love
Mac
School bullies, I honestly believe no specific reason is needed to bring them out. Of course the weakest kids are their victims, or the ones dare to stick out from the crowd in any way. How “brave” is that??
That’s why well educated adults are so needed in schools. All tendencies of bullying must be seen, and dealt with. Immediately.
It sucks to find out teachers and assistants are sacked from schools due to budget cuts. There’s no saving in that I’m afraid, the costs will only turn up on another account; the human suffering and destroying of lives. It’s so damn cynical and cruel.
Love
Daniel
Daniel
I guess that bullies are already there and just need a suitable target, small differences are usually all it takes but what angers me most is the attitude from so many teachers that “boys will be boys” and then they just look the other way. The damage to lives is so much more than just being miserable at school, it can (does for me) last a lifetime.
Love
Malcolm
It’s easier for most to go with the herd and if you don’t fit in then you become a target.
I tell you what’s just as bad and that’s when adults do it – like those who shelter inside certain kinds of (American or Roman) church’s and bully anyone who doesn’t tow their line.
I bet you that most of the worst offenders were little bully boys at school.
The trouble is that you only discover the lesson of conformity when it’s too late. As to those adults that you so accurately describe, I firmly believe that once a bully always a bully.
Does the music still lift your soul. Can you use it to forget the pain of the other time? Sort of get lost in the waves of it for a while to heal?
I hope the gift still remains with you,
Hugs and best wishes,
Scottie
Music now, indeed all my life, has been a very real sanctuary. I’m actually thinking of starting playing violin again
Love
Mac