Comments on: Please bear with me for a day or so…

By: Old Midhurstian

Old Midhurstian — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:58:48 +0000

Tahnk you Kyle. It’s strange how deeply I’ve been affected by this I almost felt like a hypocrite at first but I guess you’re right he was Dad for all teh bad that happened, and the good which is important to remember

By: Kyle

Kyle — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:08:51 +0000

Mac, I’m so sorry that your father has passed away. Take your time healing. I can tell you from experience it takes a while to deal with the death of a parent. no matter what a person does they are always our parents and that affects us in ways we can’t imagine. take care of yourself, we’ll be here.

By: Old Midhurstian

Old Midhurstian — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:33:21 +0000

Yes, I think I have to, Micky. At first I was going to send some flowers with the message “I couldn’t be the son you wanted and you tried to be the Father you thought I needed, it didn’t work” but decided that it’s better said in person so to speak. I still think my grief is mostly about what didn’t happen because what did happen still maks me angry. Pretty messed up I guess but somewhere in there there’s some love left.

By: Micky

Micky — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:14:52 +0000

As my brother famously said when our abusive father died -

‘Let’s for and burn the bugger!’ (he was cremated).

But I think you loved him more than any of us loved our dad – we tried to do the decent thing for our Mum’s sake, of course.

Go and curse him for the lack of understanding and for using violence as the answer to so many questions – and grieve for his loss for the times he could love you and perhaps was just a bit of a friend.

‘Go and bury the bugger!’

By: Old Midhurstian

Old Midhurstian — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 12:22:39 +0000

Thanks for your support. I was talking to my younger sister yesterday and she said that she didn’t know how to feel either it’s a very complicated situation for us but I’m sure we’ll get there in the end.

Love
Mac

By: Old Midhurstian

Old Midhurstian — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 12:19:47 +0000

Thank you for the HUG, David. It’s strange but I’m in a conventional place now and cried last night and again this morning. Music will help of course, it always does in times of stress and sadness. Funnily enough the “real” Hallelujah is most appropriate now as one of the things he admired most was my performance when we did Messiah at school which was my first outing with my newly grown up voice and He and Mum swore they could hear me above the other tenors.

I don’t think there was ever a doubt that we loved each other, our problem was that we disliked each other a great deal which is a pity.

Thanks again for your love and support
Love
Mac

By: UncutPlus

UncutPlus — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 08:34:54 +0000

My condolences to you Mac in whatever way you need them. Grief can not only be for persons, but for events, experiences, and relationships.

You are the primary person on these blogs who reaches out and HUGS those in need of support.

I want to HUG you now, as I am sure that all your readers do. We are here for you, too. Let me know if there is anything I can do. I hope you may be comforted by listening to your favorite requiem or other reassuring music. If you need to sing Hallelujah, there is all right, too.

David

By: NewLeaf

NewLeaf — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 02:23:39 +0000

Sorry to hear this. Death is always difficult. It makes it all that much harder when we don’t know how to react, or how we really feel about it. I hope you and your family can come to terms with your loss quickly.
-nl.

By: Old Midhurstian

Old Midhurstian — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:15:09 +0000

Thank you Scottie.

By: Scottie

Scottie — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 23:18:26 +0000

Strange range of emotions that swirl in one at this point. I think celebrating the good he did is appropriate as long as you do not get hypocritical and white wash the faults. My mom had a hard life with her husband, but when he died she made him a saint. She can’t face the truth, it hurts too much. She, like you, is slowly coming to terms with the real abuse. I never felt any emotion when he passed ( and still do not ) even though I had given him his home care for the last two weeks of his life. His mind was gone and he was not the same man who had abused me. I forgave him everything he needed to be forgiven for. I did that for both of us. The man who hurt me was already gone.

Each person must grieve in their own way. I will send my strongest best wishes and warmest thoughts out to you. If I can help please write and tell me. I will always listen.
I care.

Love to you , may peace find and fill you,
Scottie