First off I want to say a big thank you to everyone who commented and sent private messages about the recent death of my Dad. The love and support I’ve had over the last few days has been an enormous help. Given the nature of our relationship and the circumstances of our eventual separation I was astonished at how deeply the loss hurt me. Undoubtedly a part of the sorrow is for the things we never said and did and that will now never happen. I expected to feel sorrow and perhaps to shed a few tears but I did not expect to find myself weeping for two solid hours on Friday night and on several occasions since. I’ve decided that I will attend the funeral if it’s feasible even though I will probably have to go alone as Gary is teaching.
I’ve been told that Dad’s to be buried in my Mother’s grave which is fitting despite the fact that he married again after Mum died, the cause of our ultimate separation or rather estrangement. His third wife stipulated that he wasn’t to have contact with us as she didn’t feel that she could compete with Mum and she was undoubtedly right, Mum was a pretty tough act to follow. My initial anger at that was soon replaced by the understanding that he needed the companionship because his life had become empty and meaningless. After staying with him for a few days following the funeral because he was ill and needed nursing, I actually expected to be recalled to Lurgashall within weeks to deal with his death. I attended his eventual wedding, wished him and his new wife the best and then got thoroughly drunk which was the first time for ages that I’d used that particular escape route. We spoke once more at my Big Sister’s funeral and he was barely civil to Gary, who had recently become the most important person in my life, which made me very angry indeed.
I’ve always regarded his marriage to Mum as the “proper” marriage and so even though I have no belief or faith it seems appropriate that they should be together again. It’s also my hope that at least some of my anger can be buried there as well. Eternal apologist that I am I’ll probably end up saying sorry again even for the stuff that wasn’t my fault.
The next post here will continue the story I started about my violin and that’s appropriate as well because he played a part in it and it was one of the good times, precious for it’s rarity.
Once again Thank You all for your love and support
Love
Sorry to hear that chap. I am sorry I missed it. As always in these situations, I really have no idea what to say, so in this case, I will leave it at that.
Hugs, Courage and Honour!
Octavius.
Octavius
I don’t think there are ever the right words to say, if there are I’ve never found them. Hugs work just as well if not better
Thank You
Mac
Mac, Sorry i missed this. i have been a bit remiss in my blog reading over the weekend.
Hope you are doing well, and taking it all as need be. No matter what, it’s always difficult to lose someone, so many things left unsaid.
Higs
bob
Thank you, Bob. For all the fights, the pain and the anger there were good times and we did have some fun. Above all he made Mum happy and that mitigates almost everything, we may not have liked each other very much but in his own way I think he wanted to love me and that’s what I’ll try to remember when I say goodbye for the last time.
So there’ll be mixed emotions.
I think there’s one thing we all have to remember – that our dads came from a different generation and therefore very often didn’t see things the same way we do.
I’m certain that your mind will be full of the good times, as well as the bad, and I for one think it right to remember and fully acknowledge both. To do otherwise is to go on living a lie.
If you let me know the date of the funeral, sometime, I’ll see to it that I’m around to offer a cyber hand for you to hold if you want to.
Micky
As soon as I know the date I’ll let you know. If I travel it’ll be with my laptop and my blessed Smartphone because I’m going to need someone to hold my hand that day. Yes the good as well as the bad, the good times were wonderful but the bad times hardly bear describing and yet I still don’t see him as a bad person, as you say different generations and very different values.
Sending loving thoughts as a soothing balm for you, and a shinning new day of hope to ease the strain from your eyes.
Hugs many hugs, Scottie
Scottie
Thank You, knowing that people care is probably the greatest gift of all. The hugs do help, they really do
Love
Mac
Again, I’m sorry for your loss, whatever relation you and your dad had. I’m pleased you to see you can see some sort of sense in all this, despite everything. Hopefully you can eventually move one a little bit after this has settled, I guess sometimes we just have to let go of some of our grudges and anger. Keeping them won’t do any good – to anyone.
Love and Hugs
Daniel
Thank you Daniel I think you’re right, anger is very destructive and doesn’t actually achieve anything, it’s time to let at least some of it go now.