Right, sorry about that rant earlier but I don’t believe in pretending that things are all jolly when they aren’t. If that was part of my approach to life then none of the crap that happened to me as a child would have caused any lasting damage but there you go.
As I said, the scan was inconclusive but the doctor who did it was highly sceptical about the cause of my current pain actually being the varicocele. He’s still going to do the very minor procedure to get rid of the thing but essentially that’s a cosmetic issue.
I’m left in the situation of not knowing what the hell’s going on apart from the fact that I’m in constant nauseating pain, have lost all shred of appetite and generally feel like crap; hence the sudden outburst earlier.
I’ll probably get back to posting properly tomorrow but I really didn’t feel like it to day.
Love
I’m so sorry to hear this wasn’t the end of the story. Hang in there, you hear?!
And there’s no need to rush your posts Mac, I’ll be here waiting! Take the time you need.
Love
Daniel
Daniel
Thanks for the support. The worst part of this whole mess is just not knowing what’s going on.
I’m doing my best to stay positive but I don’t think I’m having a lot of success
Love
Malcolm
sorry to hear this Malcolm, pain is a dreadful thing I think, I suffer from migraines my only advice is when pain hits hard my natural reaction is to tighten my muscles but to relax is the best thing, sorry I cannot be of more help.
Nick
Nick
Migraines are possibly one of the worst things ever so you have my sympathy on that.
I’ll admit that I’ve weakened and am taking pain killers but only at night, if I take them during they day they turn my brain to porridge and I can’t form a coherent thought let alone write.
Love
Malcolm
Hey Mac,
You’re allowed to rant moan scream yell bitch laugh cry berate holler.
It’s your blog.
Go for it.
Bob
You’re right of course but I really hate myself when I lose self control like that.
Love
Mac
Hello Mac. I am sorry to hear of your pain, and I while I have nothing that can help, and no words other than these: I care, I listen, and I am here. So you vent, rant, express your self and I will come here and read what you wrote.
I knew you were in pain, I did not realize how bad it was. I tried to paste holding hands for support here for you but the box wont let me. But know in my head I have a yellow rose for you and am offering my hand to you when you have need.
I will send as much healing warm energies to you I can, maybe it will help. Hugs and warmest thoughts,
Scottie
Scottie
Thank you for the thoughts. It’s been particularly trying discovering that the problem isn’t what my doctor and I thought it was so we’re right back to square one with all the uncertainty, worry and fear.
I’m sort of pulling out of the worst of it now and taling a slightly more philosophical view.
Love
Mac
Sorry to hear that you are still in so much pain. I am still sending the positive thoughts to you. Sure wish there was something else I could do for you. Extra hugs and love, JR
JR
Thanks for the love and hugs, I think the worst thing is that pain distracts me and makes writing very difficult which, in turn, depresses me. Something of a vicious circle.
Love
Mac
Tis your blog, you are allowed to vent here. That is so not losing control. If you dont get it out, it will eat you up! We will listen, and want to send you pats and hugs, and warm thoughts.
hugs! and i hope your doctor puts together the wee little dots and comes up with a picture of whats wrong with your double quick time.
hugs and loves
Biki
I guess that having been forced to learn self control at such an early age I resent it being broken by something like this but you’re probably right, better out than in.
I’m sure everything will sort itself out in time but I realy hate not knowing.
Love
mac
pain sucks
Give yourself a set time to let it get you down, then, once the time has passed, do something fun. when I was younger I had migraines, there is a pain control technique I learned, how I wish we were in the same country so I can talk you through it. But I’ll try here, but preface it with this like anything in life takes a few tries before you can do it effectively.
First I truly believe that thought has energy.
second what we think about and visualize can become real.
(you’ve seen on TV where a kid had cancer and he visualized a war with it where he won)
third, nothing happens instantly everything is done in steps
OK.
1. Start by visualizing something very calming and/or beautiful:
for me there is one particular mountain in Phoenix AZ, that I have hiked many times and at the right time of the year there is one part that the entire slope is covered with yellow flowers and I am on a path in the middle, the sky is bright, the smells of the desert fill my senses and the quiet can make me cry with happiness of just being.
2. Take this vision and place it far away to your right, so far that it is blurry, but you know its there.
3. Now look inside give you pain a color and shape and dimensions
for me my migraines were red, bulbous thing that had a larger “body” in my head with spike, and a long “tail” going into my body cavity with larger spikes sticking in all directions.
4. now sit or lay somewhere safe
5. mentally look to the far right where your calming beautiful place is, see your vision.
6. look at your pain make sure the vision of it matches the feeling
you will soon let your pain go, but it will need a form in order to leave you body, so the feeling will be replaced by a form.
now the following is where it takes practice, but well worth it.
7. slowly take the form of pain out of your body, but keep it very close so you can see its details.
for me the ripping out of my spiked bulbus red thing hurt on the way out (again it wants to live, I am changing it from a feeling to a vision, so it put up a bit of a fuss)
8. as you are pulling the pain out of your body so you can “see” it better but feel it less, look to your calming vision off to the right way in the distant, and bring it a little closer,
9. Once you have your pain out and see it clearly, slowly push it to the left and pull in from the right your vision,
10. continue to push the vision of pain further away and to the left, and pull in closer your calming vision
with practice you will be able to push the pain away and keep close the calming place
love and light
steve
Steve
Thank you so much for this, I’ll definitely give it a try after reading your instructions several times. I’m trying very hard to avoid the pharmaceutical route here because of the brain numbing side effect.
I’ll let you know how I get on.
Love
Mac
PMS ??
Sorry Mac, I just couldn’t help myself. <_<
Who knows, could be
Love
Mac
I sympathsize with you over this pain. When I first started having kidney stones, the pain was unbearable and created such nausea. There was no position that I could get into from a fetal position to standing straight and tall, the pain was the same. The meds dulled the pain, but did not take it away. I had a blocked ureter, and then every once in a while the big ole stone started moving a little creating more pain. The pain ran down into my testicles. I felt like I needed a bowel movement, but I didn’t. I constantly felt like I had to pee, but only dribbled a little. When that stone finally passed, I was immediately back to normal without any pain whatsoever — what a relief! Have they done an IVP on you to make sure your urinating apparatus from your kidneys to the tip of your dick is operational? Sorry to get so graphic here, but your description of the pain is so reminiscent of my own history.
Feel better soon!
Love,
David
David
Don’t worry about being graphic, after repeated problems around some of my most “intimate” areas and a series of highly intrusive operations I’m pretty well unshockable.
I’ll mention this thought to my Urologist when I see him for the official scan results. There’s a possibility that occurs to me that supports your theory. Because I suffer from osteoporosis I’m on a regime of supplemental calcium and if that’s not being ptocessed properly then there’s a risk of the excess being deposited in the kidneys. At the moment my urinary system seems to be functioning pretty well in terms of stream and volume but I do suffer the “ghost” bowel movements that you mention.
Love
Mac
In my case, the problem had been the enormous amount of iced tea that I was drinking. It seems that the tannin in tea combined with the calcium to form these particular stones. I was advised to reduce my intake of tea at the time. Britons are well know for their tea drinking also. Just a thought.
I hope you are getting some relief.
David
David
I’m a somewhat atypical Brit in that I only drink coffee, I haven’t really been a tea drinker since I left home. Might be worth me doing a bit of research though.
Love
Mac
So sorry you are in pain and have no conclusive answers. That sucks bigtime.
Sending love,
SB
SB
Thanks, anything would be better than not knowing (well, nearly anything)
Love
Mac