Comments on: Odd facts about Malcolm, number 9 on the list… http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/ Surviving the past one day at a time Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:06:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: Old Midhurstian http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/comment-page-1/#comment-2022 Old Midhurstian Thu, 05 Aug 2010 11:37:49 +0000 http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/#comment-2022 L, that's the real problem; the moment that sense of shame gets in even the most rational child is likely to start accepting blame and before you know what's happened you've arrived at the "it's all my fault" conclusion. It has helped to finally make this "public" Love Malcolm L, that’s the real problem; the moment that sense of shame gets in even the most rational child is likely to start accepting blame and before you know what’s happened you’ve arrived at the “it’s all my fault” conclusion.

It has helped to finally make this “public”

Love
Malcolm

]]> By: L. http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/comment-page-1/#comment-2019 L. Thu, 05 Aug 2010 11:27:29 +0000 http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/#comment-2019 What can I say? There are so many things to consider, to think about, to doubt about...Sometimes it's just good to say it out loud, accept it, move on. I know the shame twists everything up, though. I'll agree with everyone else above. Much love L. What can I say? There are so many things to consider, to think about, to doubt about…Sometimes it’s just good to say it out loud, accept it, move on. I know the shame twists everything up, though. I’ll agree with everyone else above.

Much love
L.

]]> By: Old Midhurstian http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/comment-page-1/#comment-1943 Old Midhurstian Tue, 20 Jul 2010 07:48:18 +0000 http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/#comment-1943 Nick. How right you are! What had happened up until then was just an extension of the naughty little games my best friend and I had been playing since we were about 8, I had no reason to fear. Telling this story has been cathartic, there are very few people who knew about this event, it was a painful secret that I kept throughout my childhood and adolescence and even managed to keep it from the psychiatrist who saw me when I was in my 20s. I feel as though I've made a big step forward in finally facing this. Love Malcolm Nick. How right you are! What had happened up until then was just an extension of the naughty little games my best friend and I had been playing since we were about 8, I had no reason to fear.

Telling this story has been cathartic, there are very few people who knew about this event, it was a painful secret that I kept throughout my childhood and adolescence and even managed to keep it from the psychiatrist who saw me when I was in my 20s.

I feel as though I’ve made a big step forward in finally facing this.

Love
Malcolm

]]> By: nick brook http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/comment-page-1/#comment-1942 nick brook Tue, 20 Jul 2010 06:46:42 +0000 http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/#comment-1942 Malcolm, a very brave post. When we are children we just play, thats all we know, its scary looking back where that innocent thing called 'play' took us and how sometimes 'play' shapes us forever. Maybe play should come with a warning sticker or something. I am sure many will be reading your work and get a sesne of healing through it. Very brave. Hope you are not in too much pain. Nick Malcolm, a very brave post. When we are children we just play, thats all we know, its scary looking back where that innocent thing called ‘play’ took us and how sometimes ‘play’ shapes us forever. Maybe play should come with a warning sticker or something.
I am sure many will be reading your work and get a sesne of healing through it.
Very brave.
Hope you are not in too much pain.
Nick

]]> By: Old Midhurstian http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/comment-page-1/#comment-1940 Old Midhurstian Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:45:29 +0000 http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/#comment-1940 Daniel That sums it up beautifully, exactly like a hooked fish. The fear, guilt and shame, as you say, were the very reasons that it continued for another 2 years without any attempt on my part to fight it. Every time he said sorry I forgave him, again and again. Given my quite strict christian upbringing there was almost certainly an element of self punishment involved. Love Malcolm Daniel

That sums it up beautifully, exactly like a hooked fish. The fear, guilt and shame, as you say, were the very reasons that it continued for another 2 years without any attempt on my part to fight it. Every time he said sorry I forgave him, again and again.

Given my quite strict christian upbringing there was almost certainly an element of self punishment involved.

Love
Malcolm

]]> By: Old Midhurstian http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/comment-page-1/#comment-1939 Old Midhurstian Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:39:57 +0000 http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/#comment-1939 Ian Thank you for saying that although I didn't feel brave as much as I felt relieved that I'd finally said this in public. That incident has been gnawing away inside me for a very long time and was probably one of the chief causes of the profound depression that I began to suffer as a child. Love Mac Ian

Thank you for saying that although I didn’t feel brave as much as I felt relieved that I’d finally said this in public. That incident has been gnawing away inside me for a very long time and was probably one of the chief causes of the profound depression that I began to suffer as a child.

Love
Mac

]]> By: Daniel http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/comment-page-1/#comment-1938 Daniel Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:34:10 +0000 http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/#comment-1938 Horrible to read, yet a recognizable pattern. The upscaling, like reeling in the catch caught on the hook. I didn't fight back though, nowadays I can't understand why. Maybe to punish myself in some twisted way? The feeling of guilt, the fear of getting in trouble at home, the shame. The apologies. The same pattern over again. Be safe Mac. Love Daniel Horrible to read, yet a recognizable pattern. The upscaling, like reeling in the catch caught on the hook. I didn’t fight back though, nowadays I can’t understand why. Maybe to punish myself in some twisted way?
The feeling of guilt, the fear of getting in trouble at home, the shame. The apologies. The same pattern over again.

Be safe Mac.

Love
Daniel

]]> By: Ian http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/comment-page-1/#comment-1937 Ian Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:32:35 +0000 http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/2010/07/19/odd-facts-about-malcolm-number-9-on-the-list/#comment-1937 I think you are quite brave to speak about this. I think you are quite brave to speak about this.

]]>