Who is Old Midhurstian?
Feb 7th, 2008 by Old Midhurstian
My real name is Malcolm McLachlan and I’m a 57-year-old gay man living in Devon. From the age of eleven I was known as ‘Mac’ which is a nickname I’ve always been fond of, so please feel free to use it. I’m also known as Malc which was my family pet name and an inevitable abbreviation that became standard among all my village friends. My partner, Gary, and I did the Civil Partnership thing in 2008 having been together for some 15 years. Gary is currently researching his Law PhD.
Why Old Midhurstian? Quite simple really, I attended Midhurst Grammar School in West Sussex between 1964 and 1971 and we were known as Midhurstians thus I am legitimately an “Old Midhurstian”. If anyone thinks they know me I’d love to hear from you.
The header image is a view of Lurgashall in West Sussex, the village in which I grew up. I have been back a few times over the last 20 years or so but unfortunately most of my visits have been necessitated by bereavement and I’ve not really been able to take much pleasure in returning to this beautiful place.
A ten-year old boy with a genius level IQ is molested and then serially abused for three years by a teenager five years his senior. Foolishly the younger boy agrees to keep this secret and even goes so far as to give his promise. Shortly before his thirteenth birthday the boy realises that he’s homosexual and has no choice but to keep this secret as in 1966 homosexuality is illegal, regardless of age.
If that sounds like the base plot for a challenging novel well it isn’t. It’s actually my story and is the subject of the book I’m currently working on. Unfortunately this requires a process I call mental archaeology which involves visiting not just the memories themselves but those that lie around and underneath them. This is, as I’m sure you’ll appreciate, a very painful process but I’m convinced that the story needs to be told. It will tell of my life from nine to around thirty.
Now that I’ve read that I understand better where you’re coming from. You realise that I was born in May ’53, don’t you?
You also realise that after about eight years together Pete and I made our Civil Partnership last year too.
Lots of bits of It’s Getting Better and Kieran’s Kingdom piece together bits and aspects of my and our lives. I guess Smutty Stuff is an example of my determination to try to succeed, despite the odds.
I’m pleased to have found the companionship of a fellow sufferer from the land in which we both grew up and who has also tried to make the best of it since.
It’s a real comfort to me as well, too many times over the years I’ve thought that I was the only one. Somehow being the cleverest boy in the school was absolutely no compensation for the ruin of my life.
Thankfully I’m well past the potential suicide days of my late teens and early twenties but I’m constantly dismayed that this stuff still rules me so thoroughly. Hopefully finishing & publishing the book will draw a line under some of the worst parts.
I love your “voice” and will be back. Am planning on adding you to my blog roll. If you are not comfortable with that let me know, and I’ll take your addy down.
Biki
I’m pleased and flattered, I really mean that. Thank you biki
And I’ve added you to mine
Love
Mac
Hello Mac. This is my first time to your site. Congratulations to you and your partner. He does well on his Law PhD. Ron and I are going on 20 years together. I hope your book helps you to work through the dark places the mind can take us. I look forward to reading more of your older post and to being a daily reader of your blog.
Best wishes,
Scottie
Thanks, Scottie. You’ll be in my blogroll in a few minutes
All the best
Mac
We appear to have a lot in common, excpet my experience was with a teacher, and not a close peer. I would not say it ruined my life; rather, it changed its direction fundamentally. Certainly, I would say it did nothing to improve it.
I look forward to reading more of your blog, and wish you a gentle journey as you conduct your mental archaeology. G =]
Thank you and welcome to Old Midhurstian
I’d agree that changed rather than ruined is probably an accrate assessment. The abuse itself was a disturbing experience for a 10 year old and 3 years was a long time to suffer. The real problem was the damage done to my relationship with my stepfather which quickly became physically abusive with violent punishments and almost constant criticism.
I look forward to reading your comments as you make the journey through my bizarre childhood and adolescence
Mac