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Category Archive for 'Depression'

Why such an angry little boy?

Posted in Abuse, Anger, Childhood, Depression on Sep 18th, 2010

It was recently suggested in a comment that I seem to have been a somewhat difficult child, prone to temper tantrums. To a certain extent that’s true but isn’t entirely fair to my young self. I was, by nature quite a sweet tempered boy with a very lively sense of fun and a penchant for [...]

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I’m back and feeling much better…

Posted in Anger, Depression, Pain on Apr 20th, 2010

Hello everyone, I’m feeling somewhat better having stopped taking one of the drugs that may have been causing problems. I’m not sleeping any better but that’s a small price to pay against suffering a level of depression bordering on the psychotic. I’d like to say a huge thank you to everyone who sent messages of [...]

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In the slough of despond

Posted in Anger, Depression on Apr 17th, 2010

For those not in the know the title of this post is taken from “A Pilgrim’s Progress” by John Bunyan. I’m taking a couple of days off and probably won’t be posting before Tuesday, my chat client will be offline as well but I’ll have Outlook running so I can keep up with email. I’m [...]

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Is mere survival ever enough?

Posted in Bullying, Depression, Memories, Mental Archaeology, Survival on Mar 30th, 2010

Reading back through this blog I’ve come to one simple and unappealing conclusion, all I’ve done in life is survive. Then again have I even survived successfully? What did that solemn little fellow over on the right actually achieve? I talk of surviving abuse but realistically that abuse still haunts me, causes sleepless nights and [...]

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Why the Hunter came for me…

Posted in Depression, Dreams, Memories on Mar 18th, 2010

When I was 12 I was on my way home from an errand, collecting our week’s supply of eggs from a small holding just over a mile outside the village. On my way back, just before I got to the village boundary, I heard the call of nature and rather than risk an embarrassing accident [...]

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Even death has got complicated…

Posted in Anger, Death, Depression on Mar 12th, 2010

I probably won’t be posting anything until after Dad’s funeral next Wednesday. Everything has suddenly got a lot more complicated and I’m getting pretty depressed about the whole situation. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’d never forgive myself I’d abandon the whole idea of going. For a long time I’ve been angry about [...]

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Daring to be different…

Posted in Bullying, Depression, Memories, Mental Archaeology on Feb 22nd, 2010

I’ve dealt with the fundamental injustice of being teased and then bullied over things that were completely beyond my control, my ginger hair, Scottish surname and “posh” accent but there were times when I rather brought things on myself. In the second year I was quietly reading in a corner of the library one morning [...]

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Surely there must be one moment worth treasuring…

Posted in Depression, Memories, Mental Archaeology on Feb 21st, 2010

This is proving to be quite a deep, dark place at the moment and right now I’m not certain how to turn the lights back on. What makes everything worse is that I can no longer trust one single moment of my life between the ages of 10 and 18 and that’s pretty grim. None [...]

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Have we started taking children seriously yet?

Posted in Depression, Memories, Mental Archaeology on Feb 13th, 2010

Anyone who’s been reading this blog will know that as a child I suffered severe bouts of depression indeed just before my 12th birthday this depression led to suicidal thoughts. The abuse had entered a phase where he no longer bothered to display affection or regret for hurting me and it seemed that every encounter [...]

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