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Category Archive for 'Pain'

Odd facts about Malcolm, number 9 on the list…

Posted in Abuse, Mental Archaeology, Pain, Rape on Jul 19th, 2010

Despite the horrendous number of drugs I’m still taking I’ve decided it’s time to get back to writing. I was tempted to pass over number 9 in my list and go straight to number 10 but then I remembered why I started this blog. The purpose of writing about my childhood and teenage years is [...]

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Eradicating one legacy of an unhappy childhood…

Posted in Abuse, Bullying, Memories, Mental Archaeology, Pain on May 13th, 2010

Sorry, but the misadventures of a confused 14 year old are going to have to go on hold for a day or so. There’s a story that needs to be told because the residual anger it’s causing is getting in the way of just about everything. This isn’t a memory that’s suddenly sprung up in [...]

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I’m back and feeling much better…

Posted in Anger, Depression, Pain on Apr 20th, 2010

Hello everyone, I’m feeling somewhat better having stopped taking one of the drugs that may have been causing problems. I’m not sleeping any better but that’s a small price to pay against suffering a level of depression bordering on the psychotic. I’d like to say a huge thank you to everyone who sent messages of [...]

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A life blurred by tears…

Posted in Anger, Pain, Tears on Mar 15th, 2010

Tears. My whole life seems to have been tears and if they all fell in one place I could drown continents. I cried when I was ten and a big hulking teenager hurt me so badly that he made me bleed. I cried almost every night after that until I reached the point, at the [...]

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If I sank any lower I’m not sure I want to remember

Posted in Memories, Mental Archaeology, Pain, Perversion on Feb 15th, 2010

The things that I’m unearthing are becoming increasingly disturbing and the reasons for the elisions are becoming very clear. Some time ago I mentioned the complex self harm that I inflicted on myself, deliberately provoking bigger, stronger boys and men into beating me up, preferably leaving me bleeding. This was all part of my reaction [...]

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A point that really needs making…

Posted in Mental Archaeology, Pain, Psychology on Jan 29th, 2010

One of the things that has made me very angry over the years is the number of self-proclaimed experts on the psychological impact of abuse. The only way to be even knowledgeable about the sometimes overwhelming effects of this experience is to have been a victim. Not surprisingly I’m angry about what happened to me [...]

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